Brian Explains: Sleep

I have mastered the art of speaking within my own head (usually to myself). This is why I can not sleep at night. I have the art of brain speaking down so well, it forces me to think about things I wouldn’t normally think about. In my brain at night, I reenact events from the day, I debate myself through imaginary disputants, I write scenes to plays by acting out all the actors parts, and I solve the world’s problems (you're welcome). All when I should be sleeping! What a jerk!


I would truly love to never have to sleep again. This would solve my thinking problem quite well. I would have to come up with some kind of schedule that I stuck with to insure that I brushed my teeth, showered, shaved, and did the essential maintenance work on myself that must be done throughout the day, but I would be saving enormous amounts of time. I would have 6 to 10 extra hours each day in which to do things. “Things” would consist of whatever I wanted “things” to consist. While everyone else was sleeping, I would work on a song for 6 hours or on a story or script idea for 3 hours and have time to mow the grass with a flashlight attached to the front of my lawn mower. I would be the most productive human on the face of the earth. I would be the Stephen King (seeing as how he puts out a new book every 10 minutes) of everything I ever wanted to accomplish. If I didn’t have to eat, I could get even more done. I would never stop. My life would be a never ending series of productions and creations. I would not have to force myself to choose only one creative endeavor. I could do them all. Ha, Ha, Ha. I would rule the world. Of course, these are the thoughts I have when I am trying to sleep. Learn from me, do not do as I do. Just go to sleep.