Brian Explains: Lies

Traveling down the road of life, I see a computer sitting on the side of the road. It’s shinny, new, and smells of megabytes. I pick it up and press one of the keys. On the screen appears a single word. I stare at the word a moment and keep walking, leaving the computer on the side of the road. I walk, thinking of that word and what it means to me. Do I give it meaning? Does it give me meaning? I don’t think so. That would be weird. So what is this word that is resting itself upon my brain? Perhaps the next paragraph will help give you a clue.

Incidences have happened recently in my life that have forced me into believing in Scientology. All right, I am just kidding. Calm down. I am not much of a liar and never really did much lying growing up. (There's no reason to verify that with my mom. Just take my word for it.) Some kids learn that if you tell a lie, you can sometimes get away with doing things your parents don’t want you doing. If that kid can handle the disappointment, it might work for him or her. It did not agree with my personality.

I hope that last paragraph cleared things up about the word on the computer screen. What? You don’t know what the word was? Does riding on a short bus ring a bell? Maybe this next paragraph will clear the muddy dirt filled waters of your mind.

I never really did that much that needed a fib attached to it, so I never really lied that often to my parents (besides, I was afraid of that disappointment monster). Don’t get me wrong; there were many things I conveniently did not tell my parents. I went to two parties in sixth grade (my big year in life) that turned out to be make-out parties. I didn’t get a ride home from my mom and say, “You know what I did at that party, Mom? I made out with a couple of chicks." In grade school, this meant kissing and maybe giving the girl “special” hugs. I also did other things alone in my bedroom that my parents did not know about. There are some things that parents are better off not knowing.

If that last paragraph did not give you that elusive word that appeared upon the computer screen, then I give up on you. You need to go back to school. The next paragraph is your last chance.

Okay, I will now reveal the word that appeared on the screen. Wait, do you remember what it was? I completely forgot what I was talking about. I am not a liar, though. I really did intend on telling you what was written on the computer screen. Well, it was so many paragraphs ago; you don’t expect me to remember that far back, do you? I hope not, because it’s not going to happen. Maybe if you look back a couple of paragraphs, you’ll find it somewhere. Sorry I couldn’t help (or am I).